Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Most Painful kind of Joy...

I'm talking about Motherhood. Yes, you read that right, I said Motherhood. I have always wanted to be a Mom. I even tried to feed my brother a bottle of soap when I was 3 because he was crying and I was trying to help my Mom. I don't actually remember this but have been told the story many times. Thankfully no harm was done to my brother. None that we know of anyway. Although that might explain him a bit.....kidding of course....maybe. :P Anyway back to my topic. As I said before I have always wanted to be a Mom. Not until I actually became one did I realize exactly how painful it is though. I'm not talking physical pain here either. I'm talking about that really deep pain that's constantly nagging at you and never gives you peace. Okay, maybe not all Mother's have that but I'm pretty certain the majority know what I'm talking about. You know it is everything that has to do with your child/children. From the big things like the way that you choose to raise them to the smallest things like the foods they eat. It's that constant question, "is what I am doing right?" Is this the best for my child/children?" As Mother's we are responsible for raising and helping shape a little person. Or choices help shape them for life. What a serious responsibility! It's such a painful kind of joy knowing that you either help create a productive, loyal, responsible, loving person or something entirely the opposite. And the worst part is that sometimes you really just don't have much say in how things go or what's thrown on the plate for you to work through. You just have to suck it up and take it. Always making sure to put your best forward (with possibly plenty of tears along the way) and take everything that comes at you. Remembering the whole time that the decisions your making, every decision no matter how small, is on behalf of someone else and you want to be sure it's the right one because you love and care for them so much. I mean don't get me wrong, while this is an extremely nerve wrecking, painful kind of emotion I would never want to not feel it. It's the best thing in the whole world. Being a Mother I mean and I wouldn't trade a single second for anything. The moments that you experience when you are a Mother are the best in the world and are indescribable. Like that second you first saw your baby or when they first started to recognize you as their Mommy or that first day of school. Their fun little laughs and silly games. Their innocence. The constant talking and questions. The billions of hugs and kisses that you can never get enough of. Once again maybe not everyone knows what I mean but the majority of you know that your days would not be the same without some baby drool, wet kisses or toys on the floor! I love my children and I cherish every moment...even when they are making me want to pull my hair out and scream! Ha, ha! They really are great kids. I am so blessed. And no matter what is thrown on my plate I will handle it remembering that I can only do the best I can do and every moment is a special one.

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